Regrets
by Hellocloser
Summary: 'He was... he was gone. And she had done nothing to stop him.' A collection of angsty Allena oneshots. Spoilers for all throughout the series.
1. Regrets

First -Man thing. Enjoy!

There was something terribly painful about realising her mistakes regarding Allen. She really shouldn't have thought about it, she realizes now, but she did. The pain was stabbing, and she knew she needed to be alone as soon as possible. She decided the room she never uses, the one Komui decorated for her, will suit her needs. No one would think to check the 'storage room', as she had dubbed it.

She was numb on the way there, afraid to let go and delve into her feelings too deeply. It wouldn't help anyone if she was a mess, especially Johnny, who placed so much faith in Allen and tried his hardest to develop his traits of unending love and care and strength. How would Johnny react to Allen's 'traitorous' actions? Of course, Lenalee didn't truly believe he had left to join the Noah's side, no one did. Except maybe Leverrier.

The soft squish of her bed seemed to unlock the gates holding in her tears and memories, and both came flooding out, unstoppable. 

He was… he was gone. And she had said nothing to stop him.

She was the only one there, the only one he would turn to say goodbye to when something was so desperately urgent, and she had given away the only chance anyone who loved him had to keep him there, with them, like it was an old toy she's had as a child and no longer used. She should've kept him there.

That was her duty, wasn't it? To hold her comrades, her family, her _world_ together in this broken existence of destruction and pain and loneliness. It was what kept them all smiling, knowing that back in the big, cold building so many people knew the same feelings you did, and most were ready to discuss it with you if you couldn't handle it anymore. They were a support net for each other, strong enough to hold for this long. But that was just it.

Everyone could feel it, or at least everyone who knew it was there in the first place. This net that had held them all for so long was ready to break, and Allen's leaving had certainly done it no good. In truth, they were weak.

This was the darker side of the order, the side they tried their hardest to hide from Central's prying eyes. Should Leverrier catch wind of their attachment he would surely have something to say about it, and would probably suggest many a reassignment for the Exorcists who had come to call it Home. Lenalee was the base of this family. When she had joined, as a real, willing member, she had shown the rest of the members how lively the cold stone building could be, should you fill it with the energies akin to those of people who hadn't suffered as much as they did every day. She was the one who welcomed the tired, injured Exorcists and Finders back home and lifted their spirits again. She made sure they were fed and bathed, emotional wounds bound and clean. She tied them all together, kept them all together.

This was her job, and she had failed.

It wasn't like she could fix it now, not until he came back. Traipsing off into the Noah's hideout at all was suicide, but alone... and there was no one she could ask, anyways. Kanda was dead, Lavi was imprisoned, the Generals would never agree, Miranda and Krory, she couldn't do that to them. Neither was strong enough.

She would need to wait, and as hard and testing as it would be, wait she did.

And on her last day of waiting, she couldn't help but throw herself at him, pushing them to the ground and getting dirt in their hair, though if asked, neither would say they cared. He was home. Her world was in one piece. And everything was back to normal for now. Because nothing was permanent when you were an apostle of God.

And that was enough

Shortshortshort but whatever it's something. This will probably be an archive to dump all of my DGM oneshots, so feel free to add it to your story alert if you want to read more!

Thankyou for reading, you know that special little button down there only takes a second to click~


	2. Threats are What I'm Made of

**A little subtle Allena drabble, sort of could be considered a birthday present to my dearest Shannon-chan, who is excellent in every way and writes amazing poems about Hei! **

**Anyways, enjoy!**

**-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-..-..-**

"I'm sorry, Allen," she sobbed, tears pouring out of her eyes, "I'm sorry..."

She could feel it as her Innocence cut through his flesh. The sickening Slice echoed in her ears and she felt a piece of her shatter into a million tiny pieces. She would never forgive herself for this. Not when she was old and gray, living alone because she couldn't give herself to any other man, not when she lay on her death bed with no one around to care except dead flowers made of well wishes from those who had other lives to live. Never. This would weigh on her forever, past life and death and anything else the universe had to offer.

But for him, this was a much happier occasion than anyone else in the process of dying had ever known. She was safe. He didn't have to worry about killing her when his control ran away, abandoning him to the evil that lived inside. She was safe now. She was safe...

He felt a tear hit his cheek, warm and sad and so, so cold. Her face was red and puffy, oozing the very substance that had splattered his skin. Was she... sad? He didn't want her to be. No, she should be happy; her face didn't fit the scrunched, desperate expression of sadness. Whenever Allen thought of Lenalee, her image was bright, smiling, radiating the beautiful happiness that had enchanted anyone she'd come into contact with.

He lifted a shaking hand to brush away the liquid pouring from her violet irises, eliciting a tiny, sad smile from her trembling mouth.

"It's okay, Lenalee... It's okay..."

And as he faded away, he felt the comforting words of his father telling him to 'stop walking', because he had done the most honourable deed he could have, dying in the arms of his almost lover, listening to the sound of her voice tell him "I love you, I'm sorry..." over and over again, and he realised just how lucky he was.

He had narrowly saved them from disaster, giving up his life before too much damage was done. Even if he had never really had been taken over in the first place.

But they didn't need to know that.

And somewhere, far off, the Earl smiled.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-..-.-..-

**The weirdest things inspire me.**

**I was sitting outside of my school, reading Shakespeare and waiting for my next class to start when I saw a special needs girl get stung by a bee. That sent me into this deep, psychological inner rant about bees and people and I would try to explain my logic, but to be honest it doesn't even make sense to me anymore. And really, why did it immediately remind me of Allen and Lenalee and the Fourteenth? I am messed in the head, guys. **

**ANYWAYS, I really want to thank everyone who reviewed/ faved/ subbed/ read the last little drabble, it really means a lot! Thankyouuuuuu! –cookies- **


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